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Two-Year-Old Reveals How to Get What You Want From Life
By Carlon Haas | August 6, 2007
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Some of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned have been from my daughter. And most of the things she taught me occurred during that magical time between ages 2 and 3. I still learn a lot from her (she is about to turn 4 in a couple of weeks, as of this writing), but I can honestly say that observing her between the ages of 2 and 3 is where I learned some powerful life lessons.
And today I want to share with you what I feel is the most powerful lesson I learned.
More correctly, it was not a lesson but rather a word. A simple, one-syllable word that inspired confidence in me. A word that taught me to remember how I found success as a kid (how quickly we forget what it was like to be a child).
And what word was that?
NO.
That’s right…NO.
I’ve seen too many people getting into bad situations, especially those of who have had their own businesses, who work for bad clients, take on assignments they despise, take far less than they should all because they can’t say one simple word…NO.
When we grow up, we are taught that we have to be “nice.” Now, I do agree that we must be civil and cordial to people. But that doesn’t mean we have to do everything we’re told. But many of us feel that by denying someone’s request, we are doing something wrong.
We have to come up with a good reason why we can’t do something. We make up stories or go through elaborate ruses just to avoid having to say “no.”
But my daughter made it simple. When she didn’t want to do something, she just said NO. No explanations. No reasoning. No nothing. And let me be clear on just HOW powerful this power truly is. When my daughter turned 2, we sent her to a Montessori school. Montessori, right? The kind of school that is so liberal that kids can never get kicked out. Well…
…my daughter found a perfect way to get kicked out. She cried incessantly and let everyone know IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that she DID NOT want to go.
The word “no” managed to get her out of a Montessori school. No small feat. (editor’s note: as of this writing, my daughter has successfully gone through other pre-schools and is currently thriving in a school in a foreign country)
But what does all this mean for you?
It means good news. If you have trouble, you can start saying NO right now. You don’t have to say “yes” all the time. And trust me, I say yes 99% of the time, but there are times when you have to draw the line. And to draw that line it requires a firm NO.
So, next time the client from hell calls offering you a new job, just say NO.
When a prospect asks you to be “competitive” and lower your price, dig in and just say NO.
If your boss asks you to do some extra work for him that you don’t feel is in your job description, say NO.
The truth is that no one respects a pushover. And what makes someone a pushover is the inability to tell anyone NO.
Honestly, a lot of people think they are being “nice”, but really they just can’t say NO.
The Power of NO for Adults
Just to give you an example of the power of NO, I thought I’d share a story.
A music teacher had 2 students she really hated. They were difficult, lazy, and their parents were even worse. The students stressed her out considerably. Even though they made up 5% of her income, they gave her 90% of her stress.
But she needed the money.
Finally…when they went to continue their lessons, she finally told their parents NO. She offered no explanation for fear they would try to convince her that they would change, only to have to build up the courage to say NO all over again. She simply said she would no longer teach those kids and left it at that.
The result?
With the stress gone from those two students, her teaching improved. She enjoyed teaching again. And from this newfound enthusiasm, she ended up getting four new students the next month.
The story is true, and it illustrates how saying NO can have a profound effect on your business.
So, channel your inner NO, and you will tap into the secret of getting what you deserve out of life.
The NO Exercise (duration 4 weeks)
If you think you are one of those people who just can’t say NO, then I suggest doing an exercise my daughter does (you’ll need a partner):
Have someone feed you questions, and say NO to every single one. Have them change the questions around a bit, and always say NO.
“Will you help me move this weekend even though you’ve been telling me for weeks about your special plans this weekend?” NO.
“Can you cut your commission down just a bit?” NO.
“Can you give me a break on the price?” NO.
Practice this with your partner for a solid 15 minutes. Make questions that reflect many of the requests you get that you would like to say no to but can’t. Don’t make them outrageous. Make them as realistic as possible and appropriate for your current situation.
After doing this every day for 2 weeks, spend another 2 weeks routinely saying no to simple requests. Don’t say no to big things. Say no to simple routine things. This will build up your resolve and strength.
For example, if someone asks you to get them something (when in fact they could do it themselves) tell them no. You can phrase it such as:
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that right now.”
And leave it at that. Do NOT explain your refusal. Give no reason why. Explaining yourself only makes it look like you are doing something wrong, but you are doing nothing wrong by refusing a request. You have a right to say NO and you are simply exercising that right.
Once you get really good at saying NO, you’ll find it quite liberating. My daughter says NO quite easily and can pretty much get what she wants because her audience (i.e. parents) know she means business.
After your 4 weeks, you can start refusing more and more things that take away your time, energy, and sanity. Two year olds know that true power lies in the refusal. It’s about time we, as adults, start taking back some of that power.
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Topics: Personal Development, Success Mindset |
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4 Responses to “Two-Year-Old Reveals How to Get What You Want From Life”
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May 3rd, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Dude…your updates aren’t going out any longer? Did you change something? I assumed you weren’t BLOGGING as much.
GREAT POST. I LOVE YOUR 2 YEAR OLD by the way. She is amazing and will one day work for me….Oh yes….You know it to be true!
May 3rd, 2006 at 10:24 pm
To the contrary…one day you will be working for her.
August 7th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Maybe Steve and I will both be working for her!! LOL :o)
YES… there is a time and place to say “NO.”
August 19th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Great story , and so true. They say a child still lead the way and it looks like she has.