How to Get Ahead in Life Starting Right Now

By Carlon Haas | February 11, 2008

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For lack of a better word, I was pissed! I just got the word that the woman who had been hired by the company 2 weeks ago was now being asked by the company president to run our department—never mind the fact that I had been working there for two freakin’ years!

So, I promptly went out, drank a bunch of beer, and bitched and moaned about it.

The result?

Nada…but you would have thought I learned because…

…a couple of years before that I expected to get a promotion at the fine retail establishment I was working at while in college. Instead, it went to another co-worker of mine.

I was quite upset. But, to his credit, the manager at the time (his name was Blake) taught me a good lesson that I should have learned. He told me that although I was a good worker, the other co-worker did one thing I did not.

She ASKED for the position. And how did she do that? For one, she opened her mouth. Secondly, she asked what she could do to show she wanted it. So, about three weeks before the position came open (which none of us knew would actually come up), the co-worker of mine had already learned what to do if she was ever promoted.

In other words, good worker or not, I was toast.

You Have to Ask for What You Want

The truth is that many of us feel that we are “entitled” to what we get. And it causes us a lot of pain and frustration when we will we don’t “get what is owed to us.”

Trust me, I’ve been there.

And the sad truth is I blew off Blake’s advice. He had given me a golden nugget for the rest of my life, but instead of applying it, I laughed at him.

Big mistake.

I have now learned that if you want something, you need to ask for it. I have found that successful people I have met all have asked for what they’ve wanted.

And recently since coming back to South Korea, I have asked for all sorts of things I had never asked for. And guess what? I’ve gotten most of it. And the tragedy to it all is I could have gotten it all years ago if I had only asked. And the true power I see now is that since I started asking for things I want, people are now voluntarily giving me things before I ask.

It’s not because of my super-secret powers of persuasion or some linguistic trickery (I’m operating in a foreign language here). It’s because I have told people what I want and now they know what to give me without me having to ask anymore.

But What if I Ask But Don’t Get What I want

The #1 reason I think most people don’t ask for what they want is the fear of not getting it. As I’ve written earlier about how the fear of embarrassment hinders a person’s personal growth, it is this same fear that usually stops us from asking for things we want.

But there are two big advantages to asking even if you don’t get what you want:

You implant your desires in other people’s heads

You cannot underestimate how important it is to let people know what you want. More often than not, they will try to find a way to give you what you want. Just like my co-worker at that fine retail establishment I once worked for, she put the idea in the boss’s head, “give her a promotion.” And when the opportunity arose, he gave it to her.

Don’t expect people to know what you want. Most people are too concerned with their own lives to pay attention to yours. This is just the way it is, and we must deal with it.

It verbalizes your intentions

The power of words…putting out thoughts into speech. And even better, you can WRITE what you want. And I’m not talking about making a list. I’m saying write down what you want in a letter and give it to someone who has the means to give it to you.

And if that person is you, then by all means send it to yourself.

The #3 Bonus for Asking for What You Want

And the big bonus to it all…

…you have nothing to lose!

Think about it a second. Let’s say you ask for more money. What’s the worst that can happen? Will you be fired for it? Most likely not. But I’ve heard people tell me they think they will get fired if they ask for a raise.