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How the Labels We Use to Define Ourselves Stunt our Personal Growth
By Carlon Haas | July 26, 2007
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“You’re a pushover.” “You’re a tightwad. ” “You’re cold.” Three words. Words that were used at one time or another to describe me. But what’s really interesting is that at one time or another, I used those same words to define myself. And that is what prevented me from exploring the many possibilities that were all within me. But that would change. It started with…
…a very interesting conversation I had with some friends of mine. I was having a conversation with 3 people. One was one of my oldest friends. The others were people I had only known for about 6 months. We were talking about the past. And I was telling them about how shy I am. My friend agreed with me, but the other two had this shocked look on their faces. One of them was absolutely flabbergasted.
“You? Shy? You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
For the next hour or so I kept on trying to convince them that I was indeed shy. But to no avail. They insisted that I wasn’t and pointed out how comfortable I was in a group of people. They went on about how I had won over a crowd of their friends who didn’t like anybody. How can a shy person do that?
But I had been shy my whole life.
Or have I?
From that conversation, it hit me. My entire life I had thought of myself as “shy.” But somewhere down the line, I had broken from that shell and in fact became downright social. Yet, I still mainly avoided social situations. Not because I didin’t want to go. But becasue I thought I was shy and shy people don’t like those situiations. In other words, like most people I felt the need to be consistent with my beliefs and my own self image.
That conversation taught me a lesson. I had changed. And the beliefs I held about myself no longer applied. I was out of touch with reality. And that got me to think about how I labeled myself. And how maybe some of them are true. But is the way I think about them true. Had my thoughts about myself been the problem? Had I been using the wrong labels to describe myself? Had I chosen the wrong way to think about myself and been ashamed because of it?
Here are a few of the labels I’ve carried with me at one time or another:
- Pushover
- Tightwad
- Cold
Not too positive? But how should I think about that?
Pushover implies I let people do whatever they want to me, but the truth is I do not seek conflict and rarely do anything I don’t want to do. Whereas others would find the something a burden and complain, I help most people without expecting much. I’ve been that way for a long time and maybe to some I am a “pushover” but to me I’m glad to help. I’d rather use the word easy-going.
Tightwad implies I am selfish and treasure money more than anything. But nothing is further from the truth. I care very little for having a lot of money. Instead, I am frugal and see no reason to waste money on things I neither want nor need. When I do spend my money, it is on things I enjoy and come to treasure (like my violin). So, if the fact I didn’t want to buy the fancy dinnerware makes me a tightwad, so be it. But this is a label people put on you went you aren’t rushing to keep up with the Jones’.
Cold implies I am unfeeling. But am I really? It is true that I am not very emotional. I tend to use logic and reason as the basis of my major decision. boring? Maybe. But as a former marketer I see how many really bas decidions are made because we made them with our emotions. More than that, I think by keeping emotions at a minimum, we can have happier and beneficial relationships with people (I’m not talking about love here…I believe it is emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and anger that prevent us from truly loving people). I prefer to think of myself as analytical and a problem-solver, but does that imply uncaring.
That’s me. But what about you? What labels do you carry around that prevents you from fulfilling your potential. How many labels have you had stuck upon you from childhood and have never once thought that these qualities you have are in fact positive if given a new label.
How long have you chosen to believe the worst about yourself and denied the best of yourself? All because of words and labels?
Why not change those labels? Here’s a list of labels and some other words you can use in their place. Hopefully, you will see some of these qualities in you and rather than try to deny who you are, start to embrace the positive by changing the way you refer to yourself, take charge of your own existence, and grow.
How do you want to see yourself?
Manipulative–> Charismatic
Stubborn–> Assertive, can perservere in adverse conditions
Demanding–> Holds high standards
Picky–> Selective
Impatient–> Compelling
Argumenative–> Opinionated; Passionate
Unpredicatable, can’t stick with one thing–> Adaptable; Flexible
Dreamer–> Innovative
Inflexible; Rigid–> Traditional; “Classic”
Those are just some. I welcome any of you to add to this list of replacing negative labels with new and exciting ones. Please leave a comment below.
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Topics: Goals, Personal Development, Problem-solving/Critical Thinking, Success Mindset |
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3 Responses to “How the Labels We Use to Define Ourselves Stunt our Personal Growth”
Comments
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July 26th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Yep!
Change the story inside, the inner dialog, and begin to see changes in how you experience yourself and the world around you.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Thanks for the comments, Prince.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
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