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Today, I celebrate 5 years of being smoke-free.
To celebrate, I bought a nice bottle of wine and decided to write this New Year’s post for all of you. You see, for many years I tried making New Year’s resolutions. And just by chance, I was going to make a resolution to quit smoking on January 1st, 2003. The problem? A friend of mine sent me a carton of Korean cigarettes. So, I felt obligated to smoke them and said I’d quit as soon as I finished.
And I did…one week later…January 7, 2003…the last time I ever smoked. But let’s move to 2007.
2007 is over.
How was your 2007? Did you do the things you wanted to do? Achieve the things you wanted to achieve? And on New Year’s Eve, amid a vast array of booze and indecent party snacks, did you make your New Year’s resolution?
Well, if you did, my advice is to…
…take it back and resolve NOT to make any New Year’s resolutions ever again.
New Year’s resolutions hardly ever work (just ask the gym people who sell memberships right after New Year’s). And I think it’s because most people don’t know that resolution, at its root, contains the word resolve. When you resolve to do something, you are determined to do it. Nothing should stand in your way.
But how long does it take after New Year’s for your resolve to fail? And let’s not just stop at New Year’s. How often do you see the beginnings of your resolutions fail because you lost the resolve, determination, and perseverance to make it work? It’s happened to me often enough.
How often do we look for instant results instead of plodding through? Plodding is boring, but the results tend to speak for themselves. If I think about myself, I have managed to get healthier after 6 months of working out regularly at the gym. The results weren’t instant, but they last,
Maybe it’s because a lot of us feel like we don’t have time to do anything. But I’m a big believer in putting in time to get results. Without any results, you can waste time. It’s like the guy who asks a woman to marry him on the first date and when she refuses says, “Well, she must not like me because she doesn’t want to marry me.” Sounds silly, but this is exactly how many people approach self-development—marriage on the first date.
And this is why I’m telling you now…
…throw out those New Year’s resolutions.
You can make those resolutions ANY TIME YOU WANT but make them only when you have the resolve to see them through.
I’m not just telling you this because I read some stupid self-help book or watched some movie that changed my life. It’s all from my own experience. That’s how in 2006, I stopped biting my nails. And how I quit smoking. You see, movies and books (or blogs for that matter)don’t change lives …
…people do.
And the person change starts with is you. No movie or book worth its salt has ever told me anything different.
Don’t let anything hold you back…
…especially yourself.
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1. The funny thing about heartbreak is that you get over it sooner or later. Some people may not think it’s funny at all, but sooner or later the feelings you thought would never go away vanish, until you are left with a remnant and perhaps a life lesson.
2. Some feelings seem like they’ll last forever. But this overlooks the fundamental truth of life—change. The greatest gift (and perhaps curse) human beings possess is resilience. The ability to bounce back. That’s what we do. It is what we are. It is in our DNA.
3. Even though we intellectually understand the truth of resilience, we let fear overtake us. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of loss. Yet, loss is a part of life. And heartbreak makes us grow.
4. How many opportunities have you missed because of fear? Did you let heartbreak evolve into cynicism? Did you let someone slip through your fingers who could have brought something new to your life? Did fear cause you to stop when you should have gone forward?
5. Acknowledge resilience. Acknowledge that for every pain we thought would never go away, it eventually did. We get over things. We move on. It is life.
6. Fear of loss is the tool of those who seek to lead you into foolishness. You need not fear loss. Acknowledging the resilience within you will free you from this bond and open the door to possibilities once thought unimaginable.
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For those of you who know me, here is something you might not know. I LOVE flying. Yep, I love flying. I like taking off, landing, and I even like the crappy food. In fact, I sleep like a baby when I fly. I find the whole experience calming and relaxing.
But there’s one aspect of flying that took a little getting used to. And that was…
…turbulence. But a funny thing happened on one flight I took with my then 1 year old daguher. When we hit a patch of turbulence, my daughter started squealing and bouncing up and down. It seemed that turbulence had made the flight fun for her.
Well, since then turbulence and I have gotten along better. In fact, I just took a flight last week and we hit a rough patch of turbulence. Of course, we did this right as I was on my way to the bathroom.
So, I thought to myself. “Now what?”
The way I saw it, I had 2 choices: go back to my seat and wait it out, or enjoy the ride.
So, it is in life. Recently, I have been going through a particularly turbulent time. And there are turbulent times up ahead for me. But I have a choice. I can either sit back and whine about how hard things are for me, or I can enjoy the ride.
I’m choosing to enjoy the ride. In fact, it might just be fun. I have found that the times your life experiences turbulence are the times that can define you. They are the times that can shape who you are and who you will become.
Turbulence comes whether you want it to or not. It’s how you deal with it that makes the difference.
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Today, one of my friends was having a bad day. It must have been pretty bad because despite talking to me, Mr. Ray of Sunshine, it had no effect. Though I did think that my comment that today was a wonderful day because it was pouring down rain should have encouraged her. To no avail. Am I the only one who likes rainy days?
But anyway….
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When I was in high school. I always thought my mother was a little obsessive about my friends. Well, more about one of my friends in particular. In order to protect his innocence, I’ll refer to that friend as “Mason”.
My mother used to refer to Mason as a “wild child”. It probably had to do with the fact hat he dressed in all black, listened to heavy metal music, and he was very comfortable in bars (his mom owned a bar, what can I say?).
Despite her best attempts to get me to stop hanging out with Mason, there I was dressed in black, listening to heavy metal music, and hanging out in Mason’s mom’s bar…mostly drinking coke and playing pool very badly.
The truth is most parents can be obsessive about who your friends are. And not just parents.
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Do what you love and the money will follow. Heard that before? It sounds like an old tired cliché. I wouldn’t blame you for rolling your eyes or being cynical when you hear it. Personally, I hate those kinds of sayings. The reason is that although it’s easy to say “do what you love and the money will follow” it’s another thing altogether to actually do it.
I should know. When I went to college, I took the route of money. I majored in something that I thought would bring me money hand over fist. Yes, I majored in…
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The one thing that separates mankind from animals is imagination. The ability to imagine what is possible, what was possible, and what could be. This power. This gift allows us to go in endless directions. Gives us unlimited potential.
In order to realize this potential, we must find ways to stimulate our imaginations. I have found the most effective way to do this is…
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A lot of people are full of advice when you feel down. But what are you supposed to do when you feel happy? For the last few weeks, I’ve been riding pretty high and for no apparent reason. The question has started to become: I’m happy, so now what?
I believe that how we act when we’re happy can affect how we act when we’re not so happy. The mindset we cultivate in our lives can help us in times of sorrow and in times of happiness.
What I am doing now is simply this: enjoying the ride. The mindset I typically have is one that says, “this too shall pass”. Yes, I know I won’t be happy like this forever. But some people take this kind of thought and use it as a weapon that deflates happiness.
Just knowing you won’t be happy forever is not a reason to feel down about it. It’s simply a fact. And as most of you know, I believe that seeing reality objectively is a key to happiness.
So when I am feeling happy, I do enjoy it. I enjoy it as much as I can. By knowing it will pass, it makes me enjoy all the more. Generally, I love life. I love learning new things. And when I feel happy and satisfied, I keep in mind that the feeling will change.
But rather than being upset by it, I try to get as much out of it as I can. It’s like a vacation. You know you won’t stay there forever. So, you get as much out of it as you can.
The same goes for happiness. Get as much out of it as you can.
Tonight, I shall go out and celebrate life. And I’ll drink a toast to all of you, my readers…and wish you all the happiness you deserve. Enjoy your existence and relish the times when you are happy.
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“You think everything is one big joke. Can’t you take anything seriously?”
This has been spoken to yours truly on more than one occasion. And I have wondered what the answer really is. I mean, I don’t think everything is a joke, but I DO find most things to be funny…things most people find not so funny.
For example…
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Excuse the title, but yesterday, I was tagged by John W. McKenna to answer his challenge to write my views on the current state of leadership. To be honest, I wasn’t going to write anything since I am not a “leadership guy” and because I have no interest in telling other people how to become leaders.
And I don’t buy the whole leader-follower dichotomy that holds the leader 100% responsible for the failings his or her followers. Many things are not in any leader’s ability to control. And I also don’t believe that the human condition has changed oh so much in all these years and the short answer to John’s challenge is that leadership is in the state it’s always been in—a state of flux. No better and no worse than it has been.
But I thought it might be worth it to just to share my personal opinions on leadership and use some of my personal experiences as a guide for those of you out there who are trying to be better leaders.
But I have to say something very important first.
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