There is a particular cultural faux paux that I constantly break here in Korea.
You see, the other day I was sucking on some horrible (I mean REALLY horrible) cough drops for my sore throat.
And I was chatting with my friend, knowing that I should be at least offering her one even though she doesn’t have a sore throat. But I didn’t.
Yesterday, I finally got a hold of some kick-butt, great-tasting cough drops. And as I was talking to my friend, I offered her one, which she readily accepted. Though she did make a comment as to why I wasn’t offering her any before. Good question, really. I mean I know I should do so here in Korea. And it is generally the polite thing to do wherever you go, I think.
So, why didn’t I just offer her the other one to keep my usually impeccable manners?
It boils down to this: I just cannot offer someone something that I personally do not like and that I think is not good enough for them.
Let me explain. The first cough drop I was eating was simply terrible. I couldn’t stand it, and I didn’t want to subject my friend to this horrible stuff. She may have accepted my offer and then been forced to eat the terrible cough drop just to be polite to me. No way!
But when I have something that I enjoy or love, I want to share it with others. Like the good cough drop, I offered it to her not to be polite but because I wanted her to have the same pleasant experience I was having.
And if I discover a great new restaurant, I drag my friends to it and pay for their meals. The reason again is that when I discover something wonderful, I want to share it.
All of you may have noticed that I have only been posting a couple of times a week these last couple of weeks instead of my usually 3-5 posts. It’s not because I haven’t written enough posts. I’ve written plenty. The problem is that they ar not very good. I’ve been incredibly busy lately and I feel that the quality of my posts was declining.
So, I simply did not post. Some might disagree with this, but this is my philosophy. When I care about people, I want to give them my best. I want them to eat the good food I eat. I want them to read the best things I have to write. In short I want to share with others the best that I’ve experience.
Some might argue that what I like others may hate. That’s true. But I just can’t knowingly share things that I hate on the mere chance that others might love it.
That is me. And I hope that all of you out there will go out today and share something wonderful with someone close to you. It can be a small thing (like my cough drop). Or it can be a big thing. No matter what, sharing the best of our experiences makes the experience itself more valuable and even more wonderful.
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The minute you walked into my friend’s house, you knew. He had all the usual trappings of wealth—the high-priced sports car, million-dollar home equipped with all the high-tech gadgets you could ask for, expensive furniture, the works.
You could say my friend had it all. But there was only one problem. And that problem was…
…he was never home to enjoy any of it.
In fact, he typically worked 80-100 hours a week. He maybe got to ride in his sports car an hour a week. He never watched his large plasma screen TV.
But to those around him. He was someone to be envied. “Look at all that he has. If I had that, I’d be so happy.”
And those people are not alone. When most people think about wealth, they view it in terms of possessions. Don’t believe me? Go take a look at those late-night info-mericials selling courses on real estate and other business opportunities,
What do they show? People on yachts. People in fancy houses. People in high-priced sports cars. You get the picture.
But I define wealth differently. I define wealth as having the time to enjoy your life. The time to spend some tie with the people you care most about. And most importantly to have the time to spend on your own personal development.
Some people envy “the rich”. But I know better. I’ve seen too many of the “rich” work so much that they never see their kids and their house staff enjoys their homes more than they do.
That’s not wealth. That’s just having money. Wealth is not just having money, it’s having the time to enjoy it.
So, when you map out your career, don’t just consider how much money you will make. Think about how much time you will get to enjoy it. Then you will be on your way to true wealth.
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Posted: October 16th, 2007
Categories:
Balance,
Financial Freedom,
Simplify Your Life,
Wealth
Tags:
defining_wealth,
enjoy_your_life,
personal_development,
possessions,
time_is_money,
true_wealth,
Wealth
Comments:
6 Comments.
Last week, I had the pleasure of participaing in Bob Clubb’s Desiderata project where he had bloggers comment on passages of the famous poem by Max Ehrman. Here is my contribution to that project:
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
It’s a typical Friday evening at 7:15 p.m. in Tokyo, Japan. A mob of people are waiting at the subway station where a new train comes every 3 minutes. Suddenly a drunken man topples onto the tracks. Two men, Lee Soo-hyun, a 26 year old student from South Korea and Shiro Sekine, a 47 year-old Japanese photographer jump onto the tracks to help.
But there’s no time. All 3 men are killed by the oncoming train.
None of the men had met each other before that day.
Years later, the same subway line in Tokyo. It’s early morning. A woman falls onto those very same tracks right in front of 20 on-lookers. But a South Korean student, Sin Hyon-gwi, remembering the incident years earlier jumps onto the tracks and brings the woman to safety in time.
When asked about what he had done, Sin said, “I think Lee Soo-hyun’s spirit told me to rescue her and protected me.”
The woman had only minor cuts and bruises.
Neither Sin nor the woman knew each other before that day.
Heroes exist everywhere. And they’re not the ones you see on popular TV shows. They’re regular, ordinary people. People like you and me. No super powers. No one quality that predicts heroic behavior. Heroes are born from their actions.
But how often do we look on these kinds of stories as abnormal? How often do we discount stories of heroism as “unusual”?
To quote one of my favorite movies Jerry McGuire, “we live in a cynical world”. And who can blame any of us for being cynical. Turn on the TV. Read a newspaper. You have every reason to be cynical. You have every reason not to trust others.
Or do you?
I believe that the key to personal growth is to have a realistic view of the world. And the truth is that the world is not out to get you as much as some would have you believe. Yes, most people will not go out of their way to do something for you. But sometimes they do. As the story I related to you shows, two people gave their lives to save a drunken man they had never met. Those people are out there.
Many people do strive for high ideals. They strive to be good. And that requires giving people a chance to be good.
Our inner cynic tells us not to trust others. What exactly do you gain in life by not trusting others? How many times can you honestly say you were taken advantage of completely and totally, getting nothing in return?
It happens to all of us. We get ripped off. We get swindled. We get our hearts broken.
But what about the times we put our faith in people and they came through? How about all the times we looked to another person for support and they were there? How often do we forget that? How often have we let cynicism blind us to that truth?
As I have written before, I have gotten most out of my life by simply asking other people for help. And 9 times out of 10, they come through.
I have found this phenomenon exists in both my personal and professional life.
Do not let cynicism blind you to the virtue that is out there. I started this post with stories of heroism for one reason. It was to illustrate that heroism truly does exist all over world. Most of the stories you’ve never head. But they are there. Heroes are within us all waiting for the chance to come out.
Today, go out there and look at the people next to you. Look left and then look right. Any one of those people is capable of heroism.
Then look into a mirror. You are too. You are just by striving to be one. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
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Posted: October 15th, 2007
Categories:
Inspiration
Tags:
desiderata,
heroes,
heroism,
overcoming_cynicism
Comments:
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A while back, my fried and author Steve Harper blogged about Michael Jordan. He wrote a great post about how Michael Jordan always took the big shot. And Harper went on how we should take the big shot like Jordan.
I commented on that blog post. But to be honest, I don’t identify with Michael Jordan at all. Michael Jordan is someone who is larger than life. A person who personifies greatness. One might even say that as far as basketball goes, Michael Jordan personified perfection as a basketball player.
How many basketball players have matched Jordan’s athleticism, basketball smarts, and the mental mindset that all the greats possess? The truth is Jordan was born with it all. Of course, he developed those skills by working hard but a guy like Michael Jordan doesn’t do it through sheer will. He’s born with a lot of it.
And that is hard for any of us to match.
But while it’s easy to look up to people like Jordan, it’s hard to emulate him. There were commercials of “Be Like Mike” but I for one was never going to get close. Because it’s just so darn hard to match the skill level of a Michael Jordan.
But I do identify with another player. Someone who we can look at as a role model
The basketball player I think of instead of Jordan is Robert “Big Shot Rob” Horry.
Why him?
In the regular season the guy’s a glorified bench warmer. But in the playoffs in the last few minutes of a game, the turns into something else. He is not afraid to take the big shot. I remember watching him kill the Spurs when he was with the Houston Rockets and the LA Lakers. And then when he joined the Spurs, I watched a playoff game when the big stars (Duncan Ginobli) looked petrified down the stretch. I kept screaming “just give it to Horry, he’ll take the shot”.
And what happened? Horry got the ball and drilled the big shot over and over.
I once saw an interview with Horry and he said something that I thought was telling. He said something to the effect of when he gets the ball he is not afraid of missing. And then he goes on to say that if he misses 20 shots in a game no one will notice. But if he hits the big shot, everyone remembers.
Now, this is what we can do in our lives. WE can develop a “big shot” mindset. And the truth is no one will remember our misses. They’ll only remember your hits.
The key is to not be afraid to take the shot. The fear of missing (we can call this fear of failing or fear of rejection as well) is what stops us. But honestly, we are the only ones who remember our failings. Succeed once and that’s all anyone will remember.
Step up and take the shot. You don’t need to do it all the time. Just when it matters most. And don’t be afraid to miss.
No, not all of us are Michael Jordans who can carry a team by ourselves, but I think each of us has a little “Big Shot Rob” in them.
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A while back, I pulled a lat muscle at the gym. Now, if you’ve never pulled a lat muscle, let me tell you something:
You are lucky!
It hurts like heck. You use your lat muscle to lift, while you’re sitting, and it hurts every time you twist your body.
Well, after taking it easy for a few weeks (treadmills are boring), I was ready to get back to some weight training.
But not wanting to take any chances, I was pretty much on light weight training (and for full disclosure, my gym activities do NOT include lifting heavy weights…I have no intention to be the next wannabe Schwarzenegger.)
How did it go?
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I have written before about doing what you love and the money will follow. But what if the thing you love is something you are not able to do? Or something that seems downright impossible. Should you do it anyway?
Well, you should follow your dreams. But the key to achieving those dreams is to be realistic about it. Dreams are not hard to achieve as long as they are realistic. By being realistic, I am not saying you should be “negative” or talk yourself out of a dream. But you know the old adage “you can do anything if you put your mind to it”? On the surface, it’s true. But in reality…
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This is by far one of the best lectures I’ve ever heard. Randy Pausch is a university professor with only 4-5 months left to live. In this lecture, Dr. Pausch teaches about achieving goals, your childhood dreams, and living life.
I watched this lecture from beginning to end, and I recommend all of you to take the time to do it as well. You won’t regret it.
Thanks to Michel Fortin who featured this video in his blog.
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